I don’t care how superficial Hollywood portrays divorce, it sucks!
Whether you are married for 15 years or 5 minutes, the loss of a spouse is significant. Children, pets, and family members all add to the complexity. And let’s not forget money! The financial impacts of divorce are endless.
I wanted to bring a different perspective to the topic of divorce. I wanted to share with you all the things people are afraid to talk about. I wanted to try to open your mind to what you might be experiencing or what a family member or friend might be going through…
Emotional abuse and physical abuse are extreme cases, but let’s be real; problems that married couples endure range from adultery and gambling the savings away account to leaving up the toilet seat and folding the laundry wrong and everything in between. And each person has their hot button. Some may be very willing to work through their issues, forgive and forget. Some may have zero tolerance and want to cut bait before they even address their issues. No matter what the case, it is totally a personal decision. I am not here to tell anyone they should stay married or get divorced. I am here to help you recognize what happens to us as human beings during and after the divorce.
Divorce is the death of a relationship. Plain and simple, you become alone again. If you are jumping right into another relationship, well then you may be doing yourself or your future partner a disservice. If you haven’t dealt with the mourning and grief of your marriage then the probability of a repeat occurrence increases. You may not know what to expect after the whirlwind of the divorce has settled, but here are a few things to think about. Remember everyone handles divorce or loss differently, but don’t be surprised if you experience one or some of the following:
- Anger
- Emptiness / Loneliness
- Depression
- Poor health / Not taking care of yourself
- Sleep issues
- Financial struggles
- Substance abuse
- Anxiety
- Guilt
- Feeling of not belonging
Now let’s consider you have children. The impacts of divorce on children can be as unpredictable as the weather. Children are resilient and are able to cope with a lot of things. However, the real damage can surface in the most unusual places. Do yourself a favor, all the money and material items in the world are not worth the physiological impacts an ugly divorce can have on children. Children may seem to be well adjusted and if they are kudos to you!! But you should always be aware of the signs:
- behavior and social problems
- depression
- drop in academic performance
- withdrawn
- hurting themselves or others, violence
- digression in maturity
- imitating or repeating arguments that are overheard
And the list goes on and on. An even scarier thing to think about are the relationship issues our children may have when they begin to engage in mature relationships years from now. The message here is, don’t fool yourself. All actions have consequences, being aware of what those are and managing the severity could be the difference.
So now that I have totally taken the wind out of your sail, let’s chat quickly about the financial implications. Divorce legalities vary state to state. The majority of divorces are very expensive because of lawyers and court hearings. Not to mention, taking joint family income and splitting that in half. Each person will need a place to live and all the expenses that accompany that… Now consider pensions, retirement plans, alimony, child support and health care. The financial impacts can be endless.
So how to you deal with the unbelievable fall out post divorce?
Don’t hide behind the fear. Understand that there are many people who can help. People who can listen. Make sure you are surrounding yourself with positive people. You don’t need any negativity; you are fragile and need to be in the company of safe people who are considerate of your feelings. Also, deal with what you are experiencing. The faster you accept where you are, the faster you are able to get through it and come out on the other side. Allow yourself the time to grieve and heal. Even if divorce was the best decision for everyone involved, it doesn’t mean that the decision was an easy one.
Be kind to yourself, forgive yourself and give yourself the time necessary to overcome this very significant life changing event. Read more about dealing with Life Changing Events.
To hear more about life coaching, reach out to A Better You Coaching and let Candy Myura hold your hand while you are traveling down the road of divorce. www.abetteryoucoaching.com 800.892.5356
